Life in the NICU

The NICU became our home away from home. We got in a routine. JP would go off work and I would head to Cedar's Sinai where our babies shared a room with 8 other babies. JP and I would meet for a dinner date at a fun restaurant in Beverly Hills from 7-8 as that was the one hour that the NICU was closed to parents. In keeping with the theme of positivity, we knew that once the twins would come home, dates would be non-existent therefore we decided to take advantage of the "free childcare" and spend quality time with each other every night. Then we would go back to the NICU together and have family time. Those nights were so precious. Once the babies were big enough, they'd let us take them out of their little, glass boxes and he'd hold one and I'd hold the other. We'd trade babies so we could equally bond with both and finally I felt the same bond with my tough little man as I did with my sweet liitle girl. I had the most amazing family in the world.

Some families would only spend a few days in the NICU (Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit). Others were like us and spent weeks and months there. I would make friends in the pumping room and the library where parents would go to take a break, have a snack and just catch their breath. We'd all check in with each other and wish each other luck and say little prayers for each other with the hopes that there was some greater spirit that was looking out for our little ones. I began to bond with many of the mom's in the NICU and found that they were the only ones that could really understand what I was going through. We would exchange email addresses and send each other long emails venting all the emotion that was built up inside. We were all exaughsted, both physically and emotionally. But as all new parents must do, we had to put needs on hold and put our children's needs first. It didn't make us exceptional people, we were parents and that is just what you do. I would take breaks for lunch but would spend the majority of the day talking to the nurse assigned to my babies, participating in dr rounds 2x a day, and being as involved as I could. I learned what every alarm and beeping sound meant. I learned that bradycardia meant the heart sped up or slowed down to dangerous levels and that a desat means the oxygen level dropped too low and the baby had trouble breathing. I learned about pic lines, iv's, that caffeine is given to babies to stimulate their hearts, that if a baby doesn't stool within a certain period of time they will need surgery to unblock the bowels. I learned about herniated belly buttons and feeding tubes. I could be a NICU nurse. I had a crash course in neonatology.

As my babies grew and were able to regulate their own temperature, they graduated to open air cribs. This was a huge milestone and finally there was no glass box between myself and my babies. I could reach in and touch them. I could pick them up whenever I wanted. I felt a new sense of freedom. They were fed through a tube in their nose as they were too small to develop sucking skills, but we started to feed them once a day by PO which means by mouth via either breast or bottle. Then we increasesd to twice a day. Then to every other feed until they were able to eat on their own. This process took weeks and little by little I became more and more involved in their care. Finally I was beginning to feel more and more in control of their care. I was beginning to feel like a mom.